After that last post, things only went down hill instead of up. But I think hitting rock bottom, in a way I never have before scared me. Really scared me. I am so thankful I have a great group of friends and an awesome family. After an air clearing email or 2 it made me realise that, people who I thought I was close I am not, Sometimes it is interesting to see people in a way you haven't before. It's made me a little more wary to rely on others; I know who I can rely on as they have been there for a long time and always will be. :)
In saying that though I am responsible for my own wellbeing and it made me realise that I have to be the one who makes the change and wants to make the change. So baby steps. I didn't want to go for the quick option of stronger meds. So I am starting off with going to a naturopath. More expensive but definitely the healthier option. From there I am going to consider maybe hypnotherapy or counselling to see if we can get to the root of the problem. I am really going to have to work on it and it is going to be a hard road this I know for certain.

My gorgeous family spoiled me rotten for my birthday and my friends did too. The Mullum Mum's group of friends got together and bought me a Happy Birthday Rose called Samantha. :D Blessed to have these angels in my life. xx

Today is my gorgeous boy's 9th birthday. Where Oh Where has that time gone. He is so smoochy these days, but it's really nice. :D We are off to Rollerskating with him and some mates this afternoon, I gave the beyblade party a miss, I did attempt a cake though, not that it really looks like it should, he loves it so that is the main thing.

Hopefully the next post will be full of nothing but positives.

xx

hmmm

There is alot of truth in that song ...
Life is a roller coaster .... I am on a huge roller coaster ride at the moment and I just want to get off. Please :)

with sickness and tiredness and huge emotional black holes... but then there are the ups too and they are awesome while they last.

Working full time is great on the hip pocket but not so good on the emotional state. It's really hard as all my close friends see each other on pretty much a daily basis. I guess I really don't feel like I fit so well anymore. They don't make me feel that way at all when they have get togethers outside work hours. I guess it is envy and a touch of that wasted emotion jealousy on my behalf. I need to move on from that emotion and just start having fun and living my life instead of just existing ... which is how I feel at the moment.

I have decided that I want to learn to ride a horse. I had ridden a few times on a friends horse when I was younger. But I think i would love to learn properly so I can enjoy the freedom of being out in the air without mechanical/technical things around me.

I am thinking about other goals I want to achieve too... I guess a little like a bucket list.

I have fnished my assignment at work in time for the next lesson this week :) I have also finished editing photos yay!! 2 more things I can cross of my have to do list :)

Can't believe it's may now and I have a 9 year old party to plan.... beyblade party ... any suggestions?